Fake Interview with Buffalo Bills Coach Chan Gailey

Samson: Are you the janitor?
Chan Gailey: No, I’m Chan Gailey
Samson: Really?
Chan Gailey: Yeah
Samson: I was kind of expecting an Asian guy
Chan Gailey: no, I’m very, very white
Samson: Well its great to meet you Chan, how are things in Buffalo?
Chan Gailey: Things are excellent. We have an a much improved team this year. How can you not be excited when Ryan Fitzpatrick is your quarterback?
Samson: What other players can we look forward to seeing this year?
Chan Gailey: Well I don’t want to let the cat out of the bag but were thinking of actually using CJ Spiller this year.
Samson: What about that? I thought he was suppose to be the next Chris Johnson.
Chan Gailey: Right now we would be happy if he turns out to be as good as Rudi Johnson.
Samson: How is this year’s first round pick Marecll Dareus looking?
Chan Gailey: Huge, he should make a huge difference this year
Samson: What are your thoughts on the Jets and Patriots? They made a big splash this offseason.
Chan Gailey: First of all, Rex Ryan always makes a big splash. He looks like the skipper on Revis Island. They didn’t make many acquistions besides Plaxico Burress and we stole Brad Smith from them. With Rex’s foot fetish and Plaxico shooting himself in leg, they have a lot of problems under the waist.
Samson: What about the Patriots
Chan Gailey: Well if this was 2004, they would have made some major improvements, unfortunately for them its 2011. Chad hasn’t been the same since he changed his last name to his jersey number incorrectly. We’re just hoping that Albert doesn’t step on our centers head.
Samson: You’ve got new uniforms this year that have a retro vibe.
Chan Gailey: Yeah, we’re trying to bring back memories of the Juice
Samson: You know he more than likely killed two people, right?
Chan Gailey: So did Ray Lewis.
Samson: Touche. Well, let’s look forward to this year. You start out against the Chiefs and coach Todd Haley who fired you 3 games into the preseason in 2009.
Chan Gailey: Yeah, he’s an a-hole
Samson: What is your prediction this year
Chan Gailey: I think if everything falls just right the skys the limit, but if I had to put money on it… 5-11
Samson: Thanks coach.