I’ve had time to marinade in this year’s draft picks and will now give my full breakdown so you know what to expect from this crop of rookies.
1st round: Nobody
Summary: I think this will be Ted’s best first round pick since 2008.
2nd Round, Pick 33: Kevin King, Cornerback, Washington
Summary: WHO THE FUCK IS THE WEST COAST SCOUT AND WHAT DOES HE HAVE ON THOMPSON? I used to make jokes about how much Thompson loves the PAC-12 but now they aren’t so funny. You do know we can draft guys from eastern schools, right? Let’s look at the past 5 drafts and the players and conferences of Ted’s first selection.
2012: Nick Perry (PAC-12)
2013: Datone Jones (PAC-12)
2014: HaHa Clinton-Dix (SEC)
2015: Damarious Randall (PAC-12)
2016: Kenny Clark (PAC-12)
One of those made a Pro Bowl and had their option picked up. I’ll give you a clue, he doesn’t have PAC-12 next to his name. Something else sticks out… 5 straight years (now 6) of selecting a defensive player first and yet no improvement in defense. Dom must have the same pictures of the west coast scout. Kevin King will be the next in the line of west coast disappointments
2nd Round, Pick 61: Josh Jones, Safety, North Carolina State
Summary: Stop me if you heard this one before but they love his versatility. Much like they loved Mike Neal and Datone Jones’ versatility. They always want a guy who can do a lot of stuff, albeit none of it well. How about instead of drafting a guy who is average at a lot of positions, we draft a guy who is great at one position?
3rd Round, Pick 93: Montravius Adams, Defensive Tackle, Auburn
Summary: I don’t know alot about him but I do know his name is “Montravius” so that’s a good start. The only thing better would have been if his name started with “Ja” like JaTravious. Plus he went to an SEC school so at least there’s hope.
4th Round, Pick 108: Vince Biegel, Linebacker, Wisconsin
Summary: Thompson opened a can of worms on this one. We know that Packers fans love white players and they love former Badgers. When you combine those two, Packers’ fans lose their mind. They will not be satisfied until he is starting and playing every single play. They will want him on offense and special teams and probably want him coaching as well. When it turns out he doesn’t have the skill to play professional football, Packers fans won’t care and will demand he stay on the team.
4th Round, Pick 134: Jamaal Williams, Running Back, Brigham Young
Summary: What a surprise, another pick from the west. I’m sure he will be just as good as Alex Green was when he came out of Hawaii.
5th Round, Pick 175: DeAngelo Yancey, Wide Receiver, Purdue
Summary: First off, kick ass name. Green Bay is a wide receiver factory so he will be just fine. For as bad as the Packers are at developing defensive lineman and linebackers, they are equally good at developing wide receivers.
5th Round, Pick 182: Aaron Jones, Running Back, Texas-El Paso
Summary: He’s from the same college as Packers’ legend Chris Jacke so that earns him some points. Probably will be pretty terrible though.
6th Round, Pick 212: Kofi Amichia, Guard, South Florida
Summary: I actually had him rated as the fourth best guard in the draft. Just kidding, I never heard of him before.
7th Round, Pick 238: Devante Mays, RB, Utah State
Summary: He will not contribute to this team but he is reportedly already looking forward to being picked up by the Vikings after final cuts in September.
7th Round, Pick 247: Malachi Dupre, WR, Louisiana State
Summary: See DeAngelo Yancey above. He will probably take Janis’ spot which will piss off Packers fans (see Vince Biegel above) but he will be part of the next great wide receivers for the 13th time World Champions.