Week 2 is almost here and the nation get’s to see the 13 time world champion Green Bay Packers take on the 1 time world champion Seattle Seahawks. The Seahawks have been riding a little bit of a winning streak but that comes to an end Sunday. They may have the 12th man but as many Packers’ fans actually own the team, we have the 300,000th man. By Monday morning, the Packers will have a commanding two game lead over the Seahawks plus the tiebreaker.
The Return of Datone Jones!
Watch out Seahawks; you guys are so fucked. ‘Dominant’ Datone makes his much anticipated return and how fitting it is that it’s on prime time. He will get to showcase his talents that made him a first round pick. We saw what happened last week with him missing but this week I would be surprised if Marshawn Lynch has more than 50 yards or the Seahawks score more than 10 points. You can spell Datone without ‘D’.
I Hope They Don’t Bring Up that Whole NFC Championship Game Loss Thing
They probably won’t mention it. Luckily, I think we flew in under the radar on that thing. If by chance they do mention it, make it into a game and have a drink for each mention.
It’s a good omen that the number 1 ref in the game and his crew will be officiating the game. This is the same crew that correctly ruled that Dez Bryant did indeed drop the ball, as per the NFL rules, in the NFC divisional round last year. We won’t have to worry about another ‘Fail Mary’ or any other funny business with this crew.
Who Does God Love More
Growing up, it was always my assertion that God was indeed a Packers fan. Russell Wilson on the other hand states that he and God are pretty close and God’s even pulling some Buffalo Wild Wings shenanigans to prove his love for Russell. Because as every Christian knows, God mus prove his love for us, not the other way around. God also helped Russell get a new contract with big money, a la Reggie White. Apparently God is the Arliss of the afterlife.
I actually think God is just a football fan first and foremost and is looking forward to the game on Sunday. That three hours where he can slip away and be alone and not have to hear those kids from Kenya bitch about not having water or clothes or food. Should be a good time.
How Much Money Will Kam Chancellor Make?
Last week, an average quarterback in Nick Foles lit up the Seahawks defense for almost 300 yards and a game tying touchdown. That touchdown came against Chancellor’s replacement, Dion Bailey. Now technically,Chancellor is losing $267,467 per week by holding out but that’s peanuts compared to what he will make when he does re-sign. After Rodgers lights up this secondary on Sunday, they’ll be throwing crazy money at him to come back and writing Bobby Bonilla contracts that will pay him until 2050.