Pros and Cons of First Female Official Sarah Thomas

This year there will be a groundbreaking moment in sports when Sarah Thomas takes the field as the first full time female official ever in the NFL. This may come as a surprise to you but bearmode fully supports Sarah and thinks she’ll do a fine job… or at least won’t be any worse than the other terrible officials. However, there are pros and cons to her officiating a game. Let’s just get them out there so we know what we’re working with.

Pro: Wearing Pink in October May Have Meaning Again

Wearing pink in October will make sense for Sarah. Not that I don’t love the patronizing nature of which players use it today as a means to show off and one up each other thereby eliminating all meaning of what is a great cause.

Con: Distance

Her whole life she’s been told that 4 inches is 7 inches so I think she will have great difficulty in walking off penalties or measuring for first downs.

Pro: Clean Locker Room and Great Halftime Treats

I imagine that all the referees can’t go onto the field until their dressing room is clean as a whistle (pun very much intended). If there is one thing I learned from playing soccer, it’s that mom’s brought the best treats. Hello sliced oranges, watermelon and ‘ants on a log’.

Con: Driving to the Stadium

The gameday experience is very hectic. There’s people and traffic all around. I don’t like the thought of her driving in general but especially in those conditions. Here’s hoping she can carpool with some of the guys or take a bus or something.

Pro: Only Having to Pay Her 78% of Her Male Counterparts

This is smart thinking by the NFL. With the money they’re saving by hiring Sarah, they can defray some of the legal fees they’ve been encountering lately.

Con: More Penalties Called at “Certain Times of the Month”

I can’t believe this has been overlooked but think how this will skew games. Imagine drawing her for the 3rd, 7th, 11th and 15th games of the season. My prediction is that all of those games will set a record for number of penalties called by one official and for number of ejections.

Pro: Passive Aggressive Arguing with a Coach About a Call

It will be interesting to see how she deals with an argument about a bad call. Here’s how I envision it going with Mike McCarthy:
Mike: Sarah, that was a horseshit call!
Sarah: Don’t you take the tone with me!
Mike: Well tell me what he did to get penalized. I mean he didn’t even touch him!
Sarah: Well if you don’t know then I’m not going to tell you.
Mike: Hey, look at the replay board. Where did he touch him?
Sarah: (silence)
Mike: Sarah?
Sarah: (silence)
Mike: SARAH!?
Sarah: (rolls eyes) Whatevs. I am SO over it.

Con: Biological Clock

This has disaster written all over it. I can see during a crucial point in a game where Sarah misses a call because she was daydreaming about children she never conceived and start to worry about her biological clock ticking. She’ll wonder if her husband (if she has one. I was too lazy to look into it but we’ll just imagine she does for the sake of this story) is the right man for her. Maybe she just needs a new ‘do’ to shake things up a bit or go get a glass of wine with the girls.

Conclusion

I think the pros greatly outweigh the cons. I know there are still many people leery about the whole situation but I don’t the the fact that she has a vagina instead of a penis will make her incapable of being able to tell when someone is being held or interfered with. If everything goes well, she will just be another official that I think does a terrible job.

Good luck Sarah!