Week 2 Game Predictions | 2015 NFL Season

Week one is officially done and Mascot has taken a commanding 2 game lead and Jason and Samson. Mascot was doing extremely good, going into Monday night at 12-2 but couldn’t finish strong by getting both games wrong and ending up at 12-4 for the week.

Standings

  1. Mascot 12-4

2  Jason 10-6

3. Samson 10-6

 

  Jason Samson Mascot
Denver Broncos at Kansas City Chiefs Chiefs 24 Broncos 20 Broncos 27 Chiefs 24 Chiefs 31 Broncos 23
Peyton Manning stated last week’s game had a playoff atmosphere… which would explain why he played like shit. I think Evan Mathis helps Denver’s ground game and the Broncos ride that to victory. I have never seen a horse riding an Indian.
New England Patriots at Buffalo Bills Bills 16 Patriots 9 Patriots 30 Bills 10 Patriots 21 Bills 20
 In Rex Ryan’s first year with the Jets he beat the Patriots in week 2 16-9, so I’m going with the same thing here. Don’t worry, pretty soon they’ll start underachieving.  Matt Patricia may have a bitch ass name but also a manly beard and that’s why the Patriots stroll on Sunday. I’m conflicted because Bill is usually the name of every patriotic guy in the world. I still think a bunch of Patriots would kick the shit out of Bill.
Houston Texans at Carolina Panthers Panthers 23 Texans 10 Panthers 17 Texans 14 Texans 26 Panthers 19
Even though JJ Watt can play multiple positions, one of them isn’t quarterback. Star Lotululei (not a stripper by the by) will dominate the middle.  I’ll take a crazy Texan with a rifle to take out a panther any day of the week
Arizona Cardinals at Chicago Bears Cardinals 35 Bears 10 Bears 23 Cardinals 20 Bears 26 Cardinals 9
 As a Packers fan, I’m damn glad the Bears didn’t hire Bruce Arians after 2012. Bill Swerski’s Super Fans had some sweet ‘staches. A bear would swat a cardinal out of the sky and eat it as an appetizer’s appetizer.
San Diego Chargers at Cincinnati Bengals Bengals 20 Chargers 19 Chargers 34 Bengals 22 Chargers 37 Bengals 13
It’s not the playoffs so Marvin Lewis will probably win. The real winner is anyone who gets to watch this game. Kennan Allen, Domatao Peko and Eric Weddle are just a few of the amazing beards you’ll be seeing.  A lightning bolt destroyed a lion last week, and they’re king of the jungle.
Tennessee Titans at Cleveland Browns Titans 28 Browns 7 Browns 14 Titans 12 Titans 56 Browns 2
So far the Browns are my early favorite to go winless. Gotta give the edge to Browns Coach Mike Pettine and his goat. I have of Clash of the Titans but never Clash of the Browns.
Detroit Lions at Minnesota Vikings Lions 28 Vikings 22 Vikings 27 Lions 19 Lions 34 Vikings 17
The battle to see who gets 2nd place behind the Packers begins. Hey, at least I think the Vikings may score a touchdown this week. Gotta give the edge to Ragnar at home A lion would destroy a viking just as he was getting ready to rape and pillage.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at New Orleans Saints Saints 32 Buccaneers 12 Saints 42 Buccaneers 6 Buccaneers 20 Saints 16
Saints will win and then Drew Brees will gather all the youngsters around and tell them about how back in the day, he used to be good. Most Saints had beard and I was in the Bible, so let’s go with the Saints. A Buccaneer would kill a saint without thinking twice about it.
Atlanta Falcons at New York Giants Giants 28 Falcons 20 Falcons 33 Giants 15 Giants 29 Falcons 26
Nothing to do with the outcome but is it me, or does Matt Ryan kind of look like a lesbian?  I think Methhead will stick it to Casper. I still don’t know how tall this Giants is, but he would probaly win regardless.
San Francisco 49ers at Pittsburgh Steelers 49ers 21 Steelers 16 Steelers 50 49ers 10 Steelers 24 49ers 19
It will be tough to surpass last week but I think the Steelers can find dumber ways to lose this game. Thanks to stupid Mike McCarthy shaving his stupid face, Mike Tomlin now has the best beard among all head coaches. Both hard working professions but I feel a steel worker would hit a gold digger over the head with a pipe and take the gold…. maybe that’s why their colors are black and gold.
St. Louis Rams at Washington Redskins Rams 27 Redskins 12 Redskins 25 Rams 20 Redskins 16 Rams 14
I just hope Jeff Fisher trolls the Redskins once again. Redskins had it rough last week but with so much #beardmode on their team, they’re destine to win this week. I bet many of a ram made a tasty dinner for a tribe.
Miami Dolphins at Jacksonville Jaguars  Dolphins 20 Jaguars 13 Dolphins 24 Jaguars 17 Jaguars 16 Dolphins 10
Who cares. Who cares. Who cares.
Baltimore Ravens at Oakland Raiders Ravens 38 Raiders 13  Ravens 31 Raiders 3 Raiders
At what point do you start to feel bad for Raiders’ fans?  Although he isn’t currently sporting one (last I checked) Joe Flacco has been known to grow a mean beard. I think a Raider could kill a bird… and Edger Allen Poe for that matter
Dallas Cowboys at Philadelphia Eagles Cowboys 33 Giants 21 Cowboys 35 Eagles 21 Cowboys 27 Eagles 24
I think Chip Kelly gets Demarco Murray more involved and he doubles last week’s rushing total to 18 yards this week. As much as it pains me to say it, the Cowboys easily have the most beard depth in the league. *pew pew pew pew pew pew* Dead eagle.
Seattle Seahawks at Green Bay Packers Packers 28 Seahawks 20 Packers 45 Seahawks 17 Packers 37 Seahawks 10
No one does prime time better the Aaron Rodgers Datone Jones is back this week as well as his number 2 beard on the Packers roster.  Falcons don’t make me think about ‘murica.
New York Jets at Indianapolis Colts Colts 38 Jets 12 Jets 22 Colts 20 Jets 31 Colts 14
I’m just wondering if Chris Berman will be popping ‘deux deux deux’s’ considering it’s the Jets on Monday night? A battle of first and second team all beard quarterbacks. Gotta go with the first teamer… I mean he is 1-0 for obvious reasons. A jet would carpet bomb a stable of colts.