Week 3 Game Predictions | 2015 NFL Season

It was a very rough week for the human, Jason, last week going 5 for 11. Samson mirrored that record by going 11-5.

Highlights from Last Week’s Picks

The Browns were my early favorite to go winless… that dream is over

Samson based the Vikings winning on the Ragnar advantage at home, even though he’s no longer there

I made a sarcastic comment about DeMarco Murray doubling his 9 yard performance from week 1… he ended up with 2 yards. #jokeover

Last Week

Samson 11-5

Mascot 9-7

Jason 5-11

Season Standings

  1. Mascot 21-11
  2. Samson 21-11
  3. Jason 15-17

 

 

  Jason Samson Mascot
Washington Redskins at New York Giants Giants 23 Redskins 14 Redskins 31 Giants 27 Redskins 16 Giants 13
It’s been a rough two weeks for the Giants but I think Casper out-coaches the Black Sheep The Redskins have too many beards and will overwhelm the Giants. Landon Collins will have a good game though What if the giant, is a giant Indian?
Atlanta Falcons at Dallas Cowboys Falcons 23 Cowboys 19 Cowboys 28 Falcons 20 Cowboys 34 Falcons 24
The lesbian outdels Brandon Weeden Sure the Cowboys have suffered some injuries but neither one has been to a bearded player. They’ll be fine this week.. A cowboy would fill a falcon with bullets
Indianapolis Colts at Tennessee Titans Titans 26 Colts 23 Colts 41 Titans 14 Titans 24 Colts 10
The rational side of me says the Colts will break out of their funk this week. The irrational side says go with the rookie over Luck… and the irrational side is more fun It was no surprise the Colts lost to the Jets as Ryan Fitzpatrick is the number one bearded Quarterback in the league.  Andrew is still number two and will rebound versus Marcus Mariota’s clean shaven face A titan would turn a colt into a gluestick
Oakland Raiders at Cleveland Browns Browns 25 Raiders 23 Raiders 27 Browns 13 Raiders 35 Browns 10
The dog pound versus the black hole… and no that is not the name of a Snoop Dogg porno film… I don’t think For some reason, when I think of Raiders’ fans I just picture beards A Raider would swashbuckle the color brown into submission
Cincinnati Bengals at Baltimore Ravens Bengals 28 Ravens 27 Bengals 36 Ravens 24 Bengals 29 Ravens 20
It’s September. Give me the Bengals and a three game lead over the Ravens plus the tiebreaker I’m tellin ya, Flacco better start growing that beard before it’s too late I think a tiger would have it’s way with a raven… unless it had bird flu
Jacksonville Jaguars at New England Patriots Jaguars 24 Patriots 20 Patriots 27 Jaguars 20 Patriots 38 Jaguars 10
Upset alert: the Jaguars will beat and batter Tom Brady I think Julian ‘Teen Wolf’ Edelman scores the game winning touchdown Patriots killing animals is what made this country great
New Orleans Saints at Carolina Panthers Panthers 27 Saints 6 Saints 23 Panthers 16 Panthers 21 Saints 15
Maybe the Saints should go back to that bounty thing. At this point it would be worth whatever penalties the NFL hands down. Sure, Brees sucks and is most likely out which is a good thing for the Saints as their #1 beard backfield should get more touches A panther would be like ‘hey Peter and Paul, bless this’ just before he pounces
Philadelphia Eagles at New York Jets Jets 17 Eagles 14 Jets 28 Eagles 14 Jets 19 Eagles 3
Maybe Chip Kelly should have kept some black players No one stands a chance against the Harvard beard. Probably the most Patriotic game of the weekend but a jet is much stronger and faster than an Eagle.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Houston Texans Buccaneers 14 Texans 3 Buccaneers 30 Texans 10 Buccaneers 17 Texans 16
The Texans have to figure out a way to keep their offense off of the field The Bucs mascot says it all A buccaneer would de-noggonize an average Texas resident
San Diego Chargers at Minnesota Vikings Vikings 22 Chargers 16 Chargers 38 Vikings 16 Chargers 31 Vikings 23
The Vikings will win a few more before yet another epic collapse Eric Weddle vs Teddy ‘Hail Nancy’ Bridgewater… come on I’m sure lightning storms ruined many a vikings voyage
Pittsburgh Steelers at St. Louis Rams Steelers 30 Rams 17 Steelers 26 Rams 21 Steelers 41 Rams 24
The Rams are like the bad light girl from Seinfeld. Which light is shining on them this Sunday? Two coaches with facial hair but only Tomlin has the beard A union laborer would chase a ram out of the mill with a steel beam
San Francisco 49ers at Arizona Cardinals Cardinals 32 49ers 21 49ers 23 Cardinals 20 Cardinals 28 49ers 17
I wonder if all of the 49ers players that retired this past year moved to Arizona as most retired people do? The Niners ride Jim Tomsula’s mustache to victory. Did I just say mustache ride? A cardinal would annoy the shit out of a gold digger
Buffalo Bills at Miami Dolphins Bills 16 Dolphins 14 Bills 20 Dolphins 7 Dolphins 19 Bills 14
Yes kids, believe it or not, this was a marquee matchup in the early 90’s Rex Ryan gets points here for being the twin of a guy with an amazing beard Bill sucks at swimming and would get devoured by a nasty ass dolphin
Chicago Bears at Seattle Seahawks Seahawks 34 Bears 9 Seahawks 37 Bears 0 Bears 20 Seahawks 19
John Fox coaches the bears and a cock coaches the Seahawks Jimmy Clausen is hoping to get his first pube very soon. 53 Seahawks is just enough to fill up a bear
Denver Broncos at Detroit Lions Lions 26 Broncos 16 Broncos 31 Lions 17 Lions 28 Broncos 25
Stafford and Manning? There will be a lot of  balls floating at Ford Field The Lions need to get DeAndre Levy back if they have any chance to win I don’t know why a lion and horse would even be close to each other but I’m sure the lion would win
Kansas City Chiefs at Green Bay Packers Packers 38 Chiefs 16 Packers 24 Chiefs 12 Packers 31 Chiefs 21
As long as Kyle Orton is playing quarterback for the Chiefs, I feel pretty good Andy ‘MO’ Reid’s stache will be difficult to overcome but luckily we have guys like Josh Sitton, Datone Jones and Aaron Ripowski The Packers were born from the Acme Indian Packing Company… I like their odds versus the Chiefs