Week 5 Game Predictions | 2015 NFL Season

My human, Jason, continues his hot streak, having the best picks for the second week in a row. Jason, Samson and Mascot are still undefeated (12-0) in picking Packers games this year.

Highlights from Last Week’s Picks

Mascot was one point away from correctly predicting the score the the Bears-Raiders game

Jason basically predicted the Dolphins making Joe Philbin swim home

Last Week

Jason 10-5

Samson 8-7

Mascot 7-8

Season Standings

  1. Samson 38-25
  2. Mascot 35-28
  3. Jason 35-28
Jason Samson Mascot
Indianapolis Colts at Houston Texans Colts 20 Texans 13 Texans 24 Colts 6 Texans 16 Colts 10
The AFC South should be stripped of their automatic playoff birth for the division winner No Andrew Luck; no chance for the Colts A Texan would castrate the young, uncastrated male horses
Washington Redskins at Atlanta Falcons Falcons 45 Redskins 13 Redskins 31 Falcons 30 Redskins 27 Falcons 21
How lucky are the Falcons? They play the NFC East (garbage), the AFC South (garbage) the San Francisco 49ers (garbage) and half of their own division is garbage. This team has 13-3 written all over them and they aren’t even that good The Falcons are tough but the Redskins have the beards Giving a shoutout to my Native American brothers
Cleveland Browns at Baltimore Ravens Ravens 19 Browns 16 Ravens 34 Browns 14 Ravens 29 Browns 12
I think the Ravens should wear their throwbacks for this one. It would be confusing as shit I noticed that Flacco has his beard back and the Ravens won. No coincidence. Ravens… easily A Raven would claw the color brown to shreds
Seattle Seahawks at Cincinnati Bengals Seahawks 23 Bengals 17 Seahawks 28 Bengals 20 Bengals 24 Seahawks 15
This should be a good one. It has the feeling of a playoff game which means Marvin Lewis will lose I know Jason hates the Seahawks but their defensive backs have some of the best beards in the league If a seahawk would be dumb enough to fly anywhere near a tiger, a tiger would have a healthy and delicious lunch
St. Louis Rams at Green Bay Packers Packers 35 Rams 21 Packers 45 Rams 17 Packers 27 Rams 19
Win it for Lindy a lot of people talk about the Rams defensive line but have you seen the beards on the Packers offensive line. It’s no contest A butch would carve up a ram and mount the horns… that sounds dirty
Chicago Bears at Kansas City Chiefs Chiefs 22 Bears 13 Chiefs 31 Bears 3 Chiefs 21 Bears 16
Even though he plays for a hated rival, Matt Forte is one of my favorite players. Please trade him to a contender. He deserves better than this Big Andy gets the facial hair advantage and I think a receiver will score their second touchdown of the season A chief would unleash his peeps on a bear
New Orleans Saints at Philadelphia Eagles Eagles 28 Saints 24 Eagles 20 Saints 17 Saints 26 Eagles 23
A battle of the two biggest disappointments in the NFL. The winner is the loser and vice versa Jason Peters will be back and the Eagles will win I don’t see these two fighting but a Saint is in God’s good graces so I gotta give the advantage to the Saints
Jacksonville Jaguars at Tampa Bay Buccaneers Jaguars 24 Buccaneers 19 Jaguars 28 Buccaneers 23 Jaguars 17 Buccaneers 16
I wonder if Florida will ever get a pro football team You gotta like Gus Bradley in an ugly matchup like this A jaguar would easily attack a drunken buccaneer
Buffalo Bills at Tennessee Titans Bills 24 Titans 21 Bills 30 Titans 20 Titans 34 Bills 27
The important thing is that no matter who wins, neither team will make the playoffs Buffalos always look like they have beards. You gotta like that I think a Titan would have their way with any guys named Bill
Arizona Cardinals at Detroit Lions Cardinals 38 Lions 20 Cardinals 26 Lions 20 Lions 30 Cardinals 17
At least Detroit doesn’t have to worry about being the only winless team in team history A battle of two highly respected, legenday, bearded wide receivers in Larry Fitzgerald and Calvin Johnson. Should be a good one See Bengals v Seahawks from above and apply here
New England Patriots at Dallas Cowboys Patriots 52 Cowboys 7 Patriots 37 Cowboys 11 Patriots 42 Cowboys 17
This one will be extremely difficult to watch. At least we can see Jarruh in agony in his luxury box I expected the Cowboys beards to be playing better than this. I have no explanation. Both conservative, gun blazing people. The Patriots have done more good for our country
Denver Broncos at Oakland Raiders Broncos 27 Raiders 20 Raiders 24 Broncos 20 Raiders 21 Broncos 19
The Broncos probably win this one but there is a definite changing of the guard in the AFC West Charles Woodson always had one of the baddest beards and he will finally intercept five-head, Peyton Manning It’s a scientific fact that horses are intimidated by eyepatches
San Francisco 49ers at New York Giants Giants 19 49ers 13 Giants 31 49ers 20 Giants 28 49ers 16
Finally, the Giants are facing a quarterback who is worse than Eli This isn’t a beard related topic but I doubt that Odell Beckham Jrs curtains match the carpet A giant would win in a fight but would be very poor at panning for gold
Pittsburgh Steelers at San Diego Chargers Saints 22 Cowboys 20 Steelers 28 Chargers 25 Chargers 38 Steelers 14
The Chargers should be good but somehow, they’re not. Even a terrible Michael Vick can beat the Chargers I always have and always will role with #beardmode, Mike Tomlin Lightning and steel is not a good combination