Packers vs Titans Game Recap – 2018/08/09

The first preseason game of 2018 is in the books and I’m here to break it all down for you. Its funny how that even though the 3rd and fourth stringers were basically college all-stars, they still made it look like they never played football before in their lives. I’m here to overreact and hit you with some hot takes.

Bishop Ricken

I was at the game and they had Bishop David Ricken throw out the first ball (I don’t know why… this isn’t baseball) and it was embarrassing. I doubt he’s ever thrown a football before. He looked like Tim Tebow out there, which made me think that there is a connection between super religious people and their inability to throw a football.

James Lofton

I also recorded the game and saw that James Lofton is now on the broadcast. Obviously politics and football is extremely intertwined these days but I’m just glad James Lofton didn’t bring up his son being out of work

Refs

The Mannings, the Matthews, he Earnhardts, the Griffeys and now… the Hochulis. Shawn showed he was a chip off the old block and made his old man proud by throwing flag after flag and really disrupting the flow of the game. When looking at him I did ponder, do you even lift bro?

Locks for the Hall of Fame

I am a pretty good prognosticator when it comes to judging talent from the preseason and I can guarantee you that these players are future hall of famers

Oren Burks

I don’t want to already compare him with one of the all time great linebackers but let’s just say I can see him savagely stabbing two people to death whilst wearing a white suit and getting away scot free.

Marquez Valdes-Scantling

When Ms. Valdes and Mr. Scantling made love roughly 24 years ago, I better they never expected it to result in a son catching passes at Lambeau Field. But he was out there dominating and I can’t wait to see more of him.

Tim Boyle

I thought I was watching a young Anthony Dilweg out there. Number 8 was dropping dimes to everyone and that pass to Jake Kumerow against that guy that will be driving for Uber in a few weeks was a thing of beauty. He is easily the best backup quarterback since Graham Harrell.

Jake Kumerow

Speaking of Kumerow, he has everything a Packers fan loves. He’s from Wisconsin, he’s white, and he’s not as good as those above him on the depth chart. This brings out the radio call-ins demanding he get a shot. When he inevitably gets cut or practice squadded, people will be calling Gutekunst an idiot. And I look forward to it.

Cut these Guys… NOW!

Why waste a roster spot on these losers? We need to move on now and make way for the next great talent.

J’mon Moore

I’m sorry but when the second character in your name is an apostrophe, I expect you be a  physical freak. He looked like James Jones circa 2010. He may get another chance but it is only because of that apostrophe.

Byron Bell

On the down side for Bell is he looked terrible and will probably get cut. On a positive note, the Vikings had to love his inability to protect the quarterback and will no doubt be the first of many people to get cut by the Packers and sign with the Vikings.

Jimmy Graham

I was so excited when the Packers signed him during free agency but he didn’t make one play on Thursday. It was like he wasn’t even out there.

Beards

I was seriously disappointed by the beards thus far on the team. They better start growing that shit out. I can’t do this by myself.