10 Things That Prove Eddie Lacy is Fat

I’m sure we’ve all heard by now that at his end of the year press conference, Mike McCarthy said that Eddie Lacy has to be in better shape next year if he wants to be part of the team. I never really noticed him being out of shape before because I am a beard expert, not a nutritionist. But looking back, all the warning signs were there that he is indeed out of shape.

1. When his friends try to set him up on a date, they rave about his “great personality”
2. The Packers Pro Shop now only sell his jersey in 3XL or bigger
3. When someone passes gas in the locker room, the whole team looks at him
4. The Packers have petitioned the NFL to change his position from “Running Back” to “Power Walking While Wheezing Back”
5. He is the only one whose helmet has more than one chin strap
6. The coaches are careful not to call footballs “pigskin” around him in fear he would eat all of the footballs
7. He was seen asking BJ Raji “how do you stay so cut”?
8. He could never watch game film without a large tub of popcorn
9. His mouthguard is just a piece of molded Laffy Taffy
10. Quiznos paid him in sandwiches to be their spokesman, months later they went bankrupt